My secrets(shhhh) What is it like to have a loving happy relationship with your family?

I was born into a broken family. My father had a horrible upbringing. His sisters and brothers died in a house fire with his mother. His dad was a pilot and died right before my oldest brother was born. I have no idea what that has done to our family but I know it had allot to do with him cheating on my mother and leaving. He was a good mormon husband that married my mother in the temple. Ive had to learn in my later years to love my spirituality slowly and still have trouble praying. My mother was torn down by her parents saying horrible things to her. She was told she would have to be skinny to have anyone want her. She treated her body so badly she had cancer and had to start so much medication she isn't who she is supposed to be. We got into an argument about how I feel the need to make sure my daughter masters things like music lessons and horse riding and swimming to give her confidence and a sense of mastery. She was confused why I am having financial troubles and told me to stop paying for all these frivolous activities. She tried to kill herself that night. I have had a mentally abusive step father since the age of three. He is negative and controlling and has NO sense of humor. I have tried to mend the toxic relationship but am ready to leave. I can not find any other reason to stay close to these people other than I was raised so badly I cannot find the self confidence to to become financially secure. I pay for the necessities but I do need help sometimes if something comes up like a blown tire or medical bill for my daughter. There was so many years wasted by just trying to be happy. I have had no support in my life and have had to teach myself how to do everything on my own. I had no idea what a friend was supposed to be. I was baffled by normal everyday life because I had no one to turn to that had a grasp on the life I wanted. I didn't want to have children. I knew that. I wanted nothing to do with not being able to teach someone else what no one taught me. I found out birth control doesn't work so well with me. I kept her. I am a great mom. She has taught me to teach myself what I need to know about social norms. Having friends worth having. That qualities in her are what her friends will have as well. I tell her that she is going to college. I didn't have anyone to tell me that. When I look back at my childhood it is always of memories of me sitting alone. I would be sitting in my room, telling my brother to leave me alone. Sitting at the kitchen table alone. Sitting on the front porch alone. Riding my bike alone. I would be outside at recess on the swing alone. I was in Fourth grade when I received my first F. I threw my report card away and no one ever asked to see it. I started craving relationships with anyone that would have anything to do with a broken kid. They were toxic and short lived. I moved once every year of my life from the age of 10 to 26. Most were not of my choosing. Recovery has been hard. I was super happy away from my parents but now I am feeling the repercussions of not working toward a future for myself. Finances are killing my happiness which is hard on my relationship with my daughters. I am passionate about sewing and crafts and making toys and clothes. I can sew anything by the way. I can sew for hours and not know how long it has been. I know what I need. I need to make money for inventory. I would start a techy craft busines but how do you get the support you need when you have no social experience.

Why don't people realize most of their health problems are caused by being overweight

Why won't my friend realize that her health problems are because she is overweight. She talks about when she works out (which is walking fast every month) she gets bloated. She talks about how its her Edema. Which is a pre-diabetic issue, RIGHT?!. She talks about her back pain, horrible periods and cramps and her lack of energy like they are all separate entities. I hope she can get to a place where she realized if she lost the 50 extra pounds all of those problems would go away.

Felt food is freakin fun!

 I love felt. I have an obsession with play food too. So I decided to make some. YUM

                           Smiley face breakfast.

                                             How bout a veggie burger on a whole wheat bun with veggie chips:)

                              And uh um a healthy smore?

                                                                   Peanut butter and jelly.

                           Oh how do I stop!

What do I really need for my new baby.

There are a few things I could have done without that would have freed up some space for more important things on my baby registry.  This was something I wish I would have known to ask for. A crib with wheels. I wheeled that baby around the whole house effortlessly. It made my life so much easier after I bought it. It is an Eddie bauer side sleeper or bassinet if you will. It was so much better than leaning down into the port a crib and then if I needed it in another room I would have to break the whole thing down, to much ado. So this is my number one baby must have(other than the little essentials of course).

I did need that port a crib to travel though. If you are big on traveling and sleepovers at grandmas this is a must have too. I was lucky and found this at my local grocery store for 20 dollars.











Then I found out my baby was colicky. BOM BOM BOM! It happens; it isn't as bad with this little miracle right here. The vibrating bouncy chair. Turn that sucker on and zzzzzzzz.

Turned out the kitten loved it too. Maybe a kitten should be on the list too.

Next is a high chair from IKEA. There were no nooks and crannies for food to get into. No unnecessary padding to get slimmed. The easiest chair to clean. Super easy and fast, I likey.



And the bath must haves are an infant bath lounge and chair. I went to my local kid to kid (up cycled kids items) and found both for 5 dollars each. Happy mommy.

The boppy pillow came in handy alot. And I mean alot. With nursing, lounging, and tummy time.

It helped sister hold her correctly too. OHHHHHHH

And a funny hat, but mostly a car seat. I loved my car seat that locked into my stroller. I forgot how nice it is to have that huge undercarriage that you can shove everything in while your out and about.

The Bumbo was cute for a few picture opportunities. But really it was just for giggles. Than today I found out 4 million Bumbo's were recalled for safety issues. So maybe pass on this one. It is better for there tummy muscles to work on there own I would imagine.

And above all peace of mind. You will be running to the store 10 times as much now anyway so you will have plenty of opportunities to grab what you need anyway.

Disneyland DIY mouse ears

These were the easiest hair clippies I have ever made. I made little red bows and then glued the felt circles on to the clips, Yea. Disneyland here we come!

Blow up bubble fort.

I had three days straight of this in my house. They loved it. Did not want to take it down. It was by far the best imagination key we have had in a long time. It turned into so many things like a reading fort. The funniest was they pretended they were shrunk down inside a whale and were traveling around trying to find a germ to destroy. We put balloons with helium and they swirled and swirled around. Every stuffed animal ended up in the "cave" as well.

                                                       A duvet cover and a fan, who knew?

Everything you need to know about nutrition if your just starting out.

       Everything I knew about nutrition was wrong. Well actually I knew nothing of nutrition. My mother was raised on Irish American diet. It was heavy in starches and carbs. And the sugar, so much desert.
       She loved to cook until she became seriously obese after she had me in 1981, the year they found the Glycemic Index. If you don't know how the GI works definitely look at the info. I wont go into all of it but the basic knowledge of it is the GI measures how a carbohydrate containing food raises blood glucose. If that food raises your glucose levels to fast and to often you gain visceral fat. VERY BAD. Visceral fat acts like an organ and releases toxins making you T.I.R.E.D. among many other horrible things to your body.
        I started feeling different after my first child. I was still eating everything my mother taught me to eat, tons of starchy potato dishes, tons of pasta, and tons of cheese and sugar. I was starting to get headaches all the time. Depression was starting to be a problem. Also my arms started to look like mens arms. None of this connected for me because I didnt have someone to tell me I was eating wrong. This is what was available and what I loved to eat!
       Now I slowly am finding out that if I want to feel good some big changes need to happen and it was daunting at first because I was doing everything wrong. I couldnt do what I liked to do anymore like biking and playing with my children beacause I had no energy. If I only knew what all those cupcakes and pasta dishes were doing to my brain and organs I could have made some changes sooner.
       What I now know took a long time to find out. It would have been alot easier if I would have learned it from childhood but I am glad I took the time to find out what to do. So I now know that I have to eat well to feel well.

Drink water, slowly throughout the day. If you down it all at once it will go straight through you.

Go all natural! The more you find out what you should eat and recipies that you hav'nt grown up with the better you will start to feel.(Pinterest has amazing clean food)

Search engine key words to find healthy recipes cant be found by just typing in "healthy recipes" alot of websites use that as a key word to just get you to there website.  Find body building and excercise websites and blogs and they usually have actual healthy recipes. Some good key words are clean food, paleo food, GI recipes,


Now MOVE! Find a new interest because if you have a passion that you master it will give you lifelong happiness.

This was about a year ago. I would eat so much sugar. Not the good fructose kind the bad sucrose kind. I found a good alternative. It is agave nectar.  So many ways to use it to sweeten things instead of buying food with the bad sugar already in it. Like unsweetened Greek yogurt with it drizzled on top than fruit and granola. Perfect breakfast. Or pancakes made with almond flour and use the agave as syrup. The agave is better for your body because it doesn't rush into your blood stream.

I am doing a bit better in this pic you can't tell but I am 10 lbs lighter. I have recently lost another ten on BodyRock.com  and I am running up to 5 miles now. It seems that when I eat clean I can just keep on running. I used to get cramps or start to have muscle pain. Not now, I can not wait to post my after photos. Not quite there yet though.